


Tea, Burgers, and Kinks

by Rahar_Moonfire



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cardverse, Hetalia Kink Meme, M/M, Merman sex, More tags to be added as new kinks are added, Movie theatre sex, Open to kinky suggestions from readers, USUK - Freeform, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:17:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rahar_Moonfire/pseuds/Rahar_Moonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of related and unrelated USUKUS oneshots from my master list of USUKUS kinks from the USUK kinkmeme on Livejournal. Ratings will range, though most will be M.  Some oneshots will be related, others not. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Theatre Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** So, yeah I guess I was bored and decided to go through the USUK kinkmemes that still needed to be filled on livejournal. I found and made a list of around 70 or so kinks that I plan on filling in this multi-chaptered fic as a series of oneshots. Some will be related, others not.
> 
> Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
> 
>  **Kink:** US/UK - Sex in the back seats of a movie theater!
> 
>  **Rating:** M

**Theatre Adventures**

Amazing, absolutely amazing. Fantastic. Sexy. Great reactions.

Oh, the movie was good too.

But England... He sighed. England was perfect. He was amazing. Those gorgeous eyebrows, that messy hair, those sparkling green eyes, the way his face betrayed every single emotion as it flashed across his face. From experience, America knew England would start balling his eyes out when DiCaprio drowned. He always did.  _Titantic_  was definitely one of England's weaknesses. So when the movie came back out in theatres in 3D, England all but dragged America along to see it.

They couldn't go during opening weekend, but they did end up going eventually. The theatre was maybe half full and no one seemed to be aware of anything except the movie screen. The majority of the crowd were seated near the front and lower middle, leaving America and his adorable Iggy in the two center chairs in the very back row.

The sound of the rising water, the sinking ship, the screaming victims, and the gunshots from the adversaries all added to the Symphony of Hollywood. Everyone was focused, England included.

But because England was focused, that meant he was entirely engaged in the story and the emotions that came along with it. And if there was one thing America had an overwhelming weakness to, it was England's tears. He just couldn't take it. He'd freeze up, feel guilty, and try hard to stop the tears. Or better yet, keep them from happening.

The only time he could take Iggy's tears, was when he was in the throes of ecstasy. That was the only time he didn't fear England's tears. In fact, he worked hard to draw those beautiful, emotionally packed water droplets out. Why? Because his cute lover only cried when he was experiencing too much pleasure to keep inside.

And that itty, bitty, microscopic thought is what brought on everything else. Well, that and the absolute sexiness of his entire being just sitting there, open, emotional, raw, and so gosh darn sexy. America licked his lips in anticipation, casting a brief glance at the audience up ahead of them.

And then he began.

It started "innocently" enough. Just a casual reach over to seemingly grasp England's hand, only to grab something else instead, to England shock. The instant America's hand closed around England's cock, the British nation tense and drew in a deep grasping breathe of shocked pleasure. His own, long-fingered hand swept up to cover his mouth to prevent any sounds from escaping.

"What…are you doing?" England managed in a hoarse whisper.

America leaned over so his sandy blonde hair brushes lightly against his lover's pale ear and whispered, "Heightening the emotion." Another squeeze and green eyes struggled to stay open as his body wriggled in his seat trying to escape the grasping hand. But it didn't take long for a brief, weak thrust to make itself known.

"Arthur~," America murmured. "Arthur, are you having a hard time seeing? I'm sure the person in front of you is a bit tall…don't you think?"

Arthur had a split second to comprehend the statement before America raised the armrest separating their two theatre seats. A quick yank brought his boyfriend over so he sprawled over his lap. The resulting squeak was not only humiliating for the Brit, but drew several annoyed looks from the crowd ahead.

Once everything had calmed down in reality, the film notwithstanding, America pulled the stunned and struggling Brit up so he was seated on his lap. Arthur's breathing had significantly increased in speed, as had his heartbeat. Holding him close to his chest, he wrapped his hand around Arthur's cock once again and massaged it through his steadily tightening pants.

"Try to be quiet, Arthur~. Someone might hear you."

That slender hand found his way back to his mouth, clamping down hard over his lips trying desperately to hold in the noises his traitorous mouth kept insisting on releasing. He tried to struggle away from the groping, only to end up nuzzling his clothed bottom up again Ameri- Alfred's, yes…oh god Alfred, please.

"Shhh, Arty~. Not so loud. You'll bother the other people. We can't do that. No, no, no, not in a movie. Shh, you gotta be quiet," Alfred whispered. Hot breath ghosted tortuously gently against Arthur's ear, tickling his skin.

The hand groping his crotch methodically undid the button and pulled down the zipper. Poor Arthur didn't notice this little…indiscretion until Arthur felt the distinct warmth of skin against skin. He released a shocked gasp but caught himself before any audible sound came out of his mouth. Instead, it came out like a hiss.

While Alfred's pumped him, he left his cock in his underwear, which he was incredibly grateful for. Otherwise, he'd be the center of attention, and that brought back to many memories. Not to mention it was embarrassing. Not that what was happening now …wasn't…emb…

"Mmh…" Great. Now how did Alfred get his finger there? His eyes closed as the finger pushed steadily in and out, in and out, in out, in out, in out in out in out. Now two fingers, in and out, in and out, in out, in out, in out, curl….oh god. It's so deep, so intimate, curling, moving, sensitive, three…?

He felt dizzy, so dizzy, not enough air, not enough air with just his nose, not enough…so good, so very, very, incredibly good…

"Easy there. Easy, Arthur," Alfred purred. "Just a little more."

Another curl and…there! THERE!

Gone. What? No. No, come back. Don't go. Don't-

The _Titanic_ was sinking on the screen. The stern high above the water line. The ship broke in two.

And Alfred was in him. Just like that. No teasing, no waiting, not gently entry, just one push, one jerk, and suddenly he was filled.

The water on the screen exploded in a huge splash as the broke stern of the gigantic ship hit the water.

An arm snaked up to Arthur hand currently covering his mouth and slid it down so it covered his heart. He could feel the fluttering muscle as it desperately tried to control itself, to calm down, to slow its…motion…

Moving. He was moving. Slowly, so slowly. In and out, in and out, in and out, squeeze! Oh, right, Alfred has two hands. The hand holding his cock began pumping once again in time with the thrust. Again, so slowly, so gently it was agonizing. Arthur wanted to scream and force Alfred to a faster, harder pace.

"Easy. Easy. We don't want to disturb anyone, now do we," kiss, "Arthur?" Kiss, the ear. "No, just breathe." Kiss, under his ear. "Breathe." Kiss, on his neck. "Breathe." Kiss on the joint where Arthur's neck met his should. Another kiss, and a long, succulent nibble. Sweat dripped down his cheeks.

And Alfred was still moving, ever so slowly. Ever so patiently. Damn him! Curse him! Why? Why was he only patient when he  _shouldn't_  be?

The _Titanic_ is dark now and the two characters –what were their names?- were floating…floating…like him…

They were floating like him, only they were on water and he was on Alfred cock. Close enough similarity. Something…something important was supposed to happen now. Something so…so…sooo important.

Oh yeah. He was coming.

A quick jerk of his neck, and Arthur found his lips dominated by Alfred's, swallowing the moan that sounded like a sob. Arthur blushed furiously as he floated –like those two…one people…person- down from his high.

What if someone heard? What if they found them like this? They'd be humiliated! They'd be…crying? Crying? Several people were crying, some even louder than he had. The sweat continued to drip down his face making his eyes sting. Wait, no…it wasn't sweat. It was…tears? He was crying?

"Alfred." His voice was hoarse from withholding cries and from…from…

"Arthur~, sexy beast," Alfred whispered, nipping his lover's ear. "You're so cute when you cry like that. So cute." A quick snuggle and Arthur was lifted up so he was no longer…full. He blushed deeply, especially when he redid his jeans and slid back into his original chair. But through the whole thing, Alfred never let go of the hand he'd held over his lover's heart, although he had switched hands for better reach.

Someone was talking rather loud. Arthur blinked stupidly for a few moments before he finally realized it was near the end of the movie and the old lady person was talking. That meant he'd missed the end. Oh well, at least he ended. Er, finished, er came, er…nevermind.

The credits started rolling and the audience began to stand, stretch, wipe their eyes, and walk out. One young woman walked down the aisle but stopped when she got close enough to the two nations and leaned over the back of the chair. "Aww, it's so nice to see a guy cry over this movie too." She smiled brightly, wiped a stray tear from her eye, then left leaving Arthur the blush madly and hid his face in his free hand.

When the lights finally brightened, Alfred stood, straightened his jeans, and pulled Arthur along with him. Arthur wobbled on his feet before finally managing to stand on his own. He took a deep breath, steadied himself, then grabbed Alfred by the lapels of his shirt and shook him hard.

"You. Me. Your house. Bedroom. Yesterday!"

Alfred blinked cornflower blue eyes in surprise, before smiling gently and cradling Arthur's hands in his. A brief brush of his lips on Arthur's cheeks, brushing away the stray tears he loved, than kissed his lover full on the lips. When he pulled away, Arthur's eyes were closed, golden lashes brushing alabaster cheeks.

"Of course. But I warn you. I'm driving the speed limit."

Arthur's eyes burst open, burning with all the power of the former British Empire. "Don't you dare."

Alfred smirked with all the swagger of the United States of America on July 4th, and leaned just close enough to tease. "Oh, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, I  _so_  dare." A wink, and he was walking away, hips swaying casually, hands in his pockets, and whistling a tune gaily leaving England a shaking, needing mess.

"The hell you will."

Thus, the fun began.


	2. Sea + Scales + Sex = Great Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, here's chapter 2. I was originally planning on doing the next kink from my list of unfilled kink from the Hetalia kinkmeme on Livejournal, but...well, see this adorable anon reviewer from FF.Net calling his/herself **completelyebarrassed** requested I do a mermaid!Alfred and human!Arthur USUK sexy oneshot. And I just couldn't help myself.
> 
> And thus...
> 
>  **Kink:** Mermaid!Alfredxhuman!Arthur USUK lemon

**Sea + Scales + Sex = Perfect Day  
**

Yet another day of surfing, girls, beaches, the cool water, and sun tan lotion. Well, at least the cool water, the beach, and the sun tan lotion part was true. The surfing part, well that was debatable. True, the girls had been on the beach and true, he had tried surfing, but now he had no idea where anyone was. Not to mention he was sinking.

Yes, sinking. Arthur Kirkland was sinking. He'd been overwhelmed by a huge wave then dragged down and out into sea by the strong undertow. Was he scared?

What-thebloody-hell-do-you-thnk-he's-feeling-right-now-you-stupid-brainless-git? Of course, he scared. Scared out of his mind. He couldn't breathe. He could barely see in the moving water. He was cold. His chest ached and he was kissing someone.

…wait…what?

Excuse me? He was doing what now?

Startled back into focus, Arthur blinked. Strange hands circling his back? Check. Strange lips moving against his? Check. Scaly tail wrapping around his legs? Check.

…wait…scaly…tail?

It couldn't be.

"You followed me?" Arthur hollered. Or tried to anyway. Instead, the moment he opened his mouth and went to breathe in, water surged in and needless to say, he began gagging and thus drowning.

Then the panic set in.

He wasn't exactly sure how he ended up back on the beach but one glance up gave him the answer. After a brief coughing and gagging spell, Arthur glared at the sparkling blue eyes above him. "Alfred."

The worried expression quickly turned into brilliant smile. "Tag, you're it."

Arthur released a long-suffering sigh. "What are you doing here?"

The sandy blonde haired merman above him cocked his head cutely –annoyingly!- as his tail gave a puppy-ish twitch. "I'm saving you. You were drowning, right?"

"Touché."

Queue Alfred rolling off Arthur and laughing so hard his whole body flopped about like some beach fish. Well, he was half fish so Arthur probably wasn't too far off the mark.

"What so funny?" Arthur demanded, a light blush spreading over his face.

"You just," laughter, "you just," more laughter, "you just totally spoke French." And more laughter.

Arthur blinked as he reviewed his previous statement. Then he paled in horrified realization. He had used a French word. He'd spoken French. French. French! FRENCH!

Which meant… He stared at Alfred, before rolling his eyes in surrender. Damn.

"So, does this mean you have to do whatever I say for a day?" Alfred asked, a bright smile still splitting his face and sea blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Well, better you then Francis," Arthur mumbled. After a moment of companionable silence, Arthur blushed and said quietly, "Thank you, by the way. For saving me, I mean."

A quick glance at Alfred showed the huge smile on his lover's face soften. "No worries." Then the smile turned sly. "But seriously, Arthur. If you really wanted to take our game of hide-and-seek to these extremes, a little warning would have been nice. You do realize it took me a full month to track you down. Last I saw you, you were in England still."

"Well, I was not expecting to be transferred so soon. Besides , it's not as if you have a mobile to contact you with. And even if you did, it'd be ruin after you go underwater."

Alfred shrugged. "Well, duh. Everyone knows merpeople don't use cellphones. It's common knowledge we use seashells."

Easy, Arthur. Control yourself. Count to ten. Count to ten. Count to-

Kiss.

Sighing into the gentle kiss, Arthur moved his lips to match Alfred's. When it ended, Arthur paused to relish the lingering sensation of Alfred's lips on his own. Before the feeling left, a cool, wet hand cupped his face, a thumb brushing gently along his cheek bone. Arthur nuzzled into the hand before opening his eyes meet pure sky blue.

"I didn't mean to leave you behind. I thought I'd be back sooner," he was cut off by a breath-taking kiss and a steady pressure gently pushing him back to the sandy beach. Hands slid up his sides drawing a pleasured shiver and from the British youth.

Slowly, the kiss moved down from Arthur's mouth to his chin, to his neck, to his collarbone, to his chest, to his nipples, to his stomach, to his belly button, to his swimsuit beltline. A brief pause to remove Arthur's swim trunks allows the Brit to catch his breath.

A quickly placed hand on Alfred's back stops the potentially perfect –humiliating!- experience. "Stop. Stop. We're in public, Alfred."

Alfred smirked, nuzzled against Arthur's growing clothed bulge. "Are we? I don't remember bringing you back to the beach you were on originally."

Arthur blinked. He opened his eyes wide as he scanned the surrounding beach. Only now did he realize it wasn't actually much of a beach. The beach was further to the left only just visible over a pile of rocks. The two young men were actually in a small grotto with a sandy ground where the water met the earth. In other words, they were conveniently alone.

Alfred chuckled and yanked Arthur's swim trunks off completely baring his lover to the elements. Arthur squawked in both shock and embarrassment, a sound which only increased an octave when the British youth suddenly found himself in the water up to his waist. He met Alfred's eyes in blushing shyness. He felt like a virgin on her wedding night, despite the fact he was anything but. He instinctively wrapped his bare legs around Alfred's scaled waist. The feel of the layered blue scales that made up Alfred's tail rubbing up against Arthur's now throbbing arousal almost sent the Brit over the edge. He was vaguely aware of his eyes closing as his head tilted back and his mouth opened in a breathy moan.

He felt Alfred latch onto one of his nipples and suckle. He tensed, groaning at the delicious sensation. One of Alfred's hands carefully unwound Arthur's grasping legs and turned his pale, human lover around. Arthur sighed when his nipple was released and he was turned so his buttocks pressed into Alfred's scaled waist. The water lapped at their chests, tickling them and leaving teasing trails of cool wetness on their skin.

Alfred's long tail slithered seductively around Arthur's legs pulling him ever closer to its owner's body until a single scaled protrusion began rubbing against Arthur's entrance. Instantly, Arthur's breath left him and his heart pounded. His hand reached back entangling themselves in his fishy lover's hair holding him so Alfred's chin rested comfortably on Arthur's shoulder, his nose nuzzling Arthur's neck.

Alfred's tail bent forcing Arthur's entangled legs to do the same. This forced Arthur's cheeks to part baring his entrance to his lover's forming arousal. He vaguely remembered being surprised that such an experience as sex between species was even possible. But now, he could honestly care less that it was possible and instead could only focus on what he had to do to get that scaly cock in him where it rightfully belonged.

A quick twitch of Alfred's hips and his cock was successfully pressed up o Arthur's puckered hole. Arthur's breath hitched as he whispered, his hot breath ghosting over Arthur's ear, "Sorry about this."

Arthur shook his head and pressed back against the welcome intruder. "Just hurry up and do me."

Alfred chuckled, licked Arthur's ear, and did just that. A sharp jerk and he was inside his lover, the ocean water acting as a lubricant of sorts. Arthur cried out at the sudden penetration, the rough surface of the scales adding to the stimulation and pleasure. There was pain, of course there was, but as long as Alfred kept hitting that spot right  _there_  then it was definitely bearable.

Arthur's bent knees pressed up against the rocky ledge surrounding the grotto allowing him to add his own contribution to their rhythm. Back and forth they moved, sometimes in sync, sometimes not so much, but oh  _god_  it felt so bloody good and if Alfred even considered stopping Arthur would castrate him, strip him of his sexy scales, shave him bald, and…and…and…what was he saying? Oh yeah, he was screaming.

"Harder. Harder, Alfred. Harder," he begged adding his own powerful backwards scoops to match Alfred watery thrusts, the friction just about driving him insane. The pain of the scales rubbing his skin raw was eased by the cool salty water.

No more coherent thoughts other than "faster," "harder," and "Alfred" made it into his pleasure fogged mind or out his swollen lips and hoarse throat. Until he finished, that is. All it took was one extra hard thrust against his already abused prostate and it was all over. His body tensed and contorted in on itself, his fingers pulling harshly on Alfred's hair in an effort to both stay grounded in reality as well as to keep him close. The subsequent clenching of Arthur's muscled walls surrounding Alfred's cock pushed Alfred over the edge as well.

Sated, tangled, covered in salty sea spray and sweat, out of breath, and loving every second of it, the two lovers relaxed in each other's arms laughing. Arthur let his head loll limply against Alfred's shoulder tilting his head so they could share a single, delicate, chaste kiss.

Arthur sighed. "I should go. The people, they," kiss, "probably –mmh," another kiss, "saw me go under," another kiss. "They'll be looking for me." He sighed weakly, completely content with doing the exact opposite of what he said and just floating here comfortably in his lover's arms, safe, sated, and secure. But he didn't want the lifeguards to swim over here looking for him thinking he'd drowned and catching him like this. It was bad –amazing!- enough  _he_  knew Alfred was a mythological sea creature that no one really believed in anymore, but unlike his other fantastical friends, Alfred could be seen by the average human.

 _Awkward situation is awkward_ , Arthur thought chuckling as he borrowed the colloquial phrase from Alfred's uniquely American vocabulary.

Alfred groaned in protest and deliberately thrust into Arthur one last time drawing a sharp inhale and moan from his lover as he carefully pulled out, whispering, "Well then, later tonight. I'll meet you in the diner. I hear they have a nice view of the ocean if you sit outside on the dock. Later."

And with one last sensual caress of Arthur's still hypersensitive body, Alfred untwined his tail from Arthur's legs and slipped under the water. When the Brit finally managed to control his racing heart and fluttering breath, he pealed open his forest green eyes gulped down a deep breath of air. He wearily managed to grab his swim trunks which were lying on a nearby sand covered rock, slipped them back on, and began trying to swim back to the beach.

A lifeguard met him half way and escorted him the rest of the way. His body ached, but what he wouldn't give to have it ache more. He cast a longing glance back at the open sea before making his way back to his car after reassuring the lifeguard he was fine from his ordeal –better then fine!- and drove home. He'd have to be ready if he planned on getting laid on land tonight. He smirked, oh how he  _loved_  hide-and-seek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Hope that was satisfactory. Up next is my second request from FF.Net's **Fusososo** : Cardverse throne...fun. ^_-
> 
> After that, I'll post the next kink on my list.

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** So, I hope that was a satisfactory beginning. Let me know what you think, or suggest other kinky ideas you lovelies come up with. ^_~


End file.
